Chosen family
One of the stops on my journey was Columbia, SC. As an alumna of the USC MPH program, I decided it was high time I spent an hour taking pictures of the campus (though, despite the early hour of my session, it was extraordinarily over-bright in the way only a Carolina day can be and I wasn’t really pleased with any of the shots). And I also spent some time reminiscing about days gone by – long gone, as it happens, since I finished the masters in 2002! But, the impression lasts - especially because I took far more than book learning with me when I graduated.
When I left Columbia, I took with me the beginnings of what have become lasting friendships that transcend any distance and taught, and continue to teach, me more about life than any degree ever could.
Segue to Rebecca. Rebecca and I met in my first year and her last in the MPH program and we’ve been friends ever since. Though she is in a different stage of life than me in that she is a mother of five year old Hanna and slightly more than a decade older than I am, she has the wisdom of ages that knows no age in years and she has willingly been a guide and sounding board for me since I’ve known her. I won’t go into all the details of all the years and all the conversations, but I will reflect now on one of the most interesting concepts we have discussed at length - that of chosen family.
A chosen family is composed of sisters of the heart, brothers of the soul, and stand-in mothers and fathers who are companions and guides through the rollercoaster of ups and downs in life. They are the people who we choose to spend time with, not necessairly those we are born into. Our chosen family members are not just capable but also willing to be constants in an ever-shifting world, assisting us in that which we cannot do alone, or at least that which we would prefer not to do alone. These are the people in our lives who we choose to love and who can give us that love and support we desire in return, without all the mess and guilt that comes (for me anyway) with blood ties and birthrights. I’m not talking about romantic love here - I’m talking about connection, shared circumstances and intersecting life-journeys.
As a military wife, chosen family is so very important. These are the people we spend holidays with, the people we share moments with – births and deaths, dinners and wine, conversation and coffee. Some of them come, some of them remain, and some of them move on. But these are the people who, no matter the length of time between visits, you can call and feel like no time has passed or who you can visit and blend right into their world. We lean on these people in ways we cannot lean on our parents and siblings and we share with them things our blood families might never understand.
We cannot choose the family we are born into – not really. Though we are perhaps born into the exact family we are supposed to, for whatever lessons we’re supposed to learn, we cannot be expected to get everything we need in terms of support and love from those bloodlines. And though we should not stop loving our blood family, we can also seek out the people who are the family we wish we had and give and receive all that there is to offer, growing ever-wiser in the process.
Rebecca is a member of my chosen family. I stay with her whenever I visit Columbia and you’ll see pictures of my room and her daughter below.
Who is a member of your chosen family?
USC campus
Columbia Zoo
When I left Columbia, I took with me the beginnings of what have become lasting friendships that transcend any distance and taught, and continue to teach, me more about life than any degree ever could.
Segue to Rebecca. Rebecca and I met in my first year and her last in the MPH program and we’ve been friends ever since. Though she is in a different stage of life than me in that she is a mother of five year old Hanna and slightly more than a decade older than I am, she has the wisdom of ages that knows no age in years and she has willingly been a guide and sounding board for me since I’ve known her. I won’t go into all the details of all the years and all the conversations, but I will reflect now on one of the most interesting concepts we have discussed at length - that of chosen family.
A chosen family is composed of sisters of the heart, brothers of the soul, and stand-in mothers and fathers who are companions and guides through the rollercoaster of ups and downs in life. They are the people who we choose to spend time with, not necessairly those we are born into. Our chosen family members are not just capable but also willing to be constants in an ever-shifting world, assisting us in that which we cannot do alone, or at least that which we would prefer not to do alone. These are the people in our lives who we choose to love and who can give us that love and support we desire in return, without all the mess and guilt that comes (for me anyway) with blood ties and birthrights. I’m not talking about romantic love here - I’m talking about connection, shared circumstances and intersecting life-journeys.
As a military wife, chosen family is so very important. These are the people we spend holidays with, the people we share moments with – births and deaths, dinners and wine, conversation and coffee. Some of them come, some of them remain, and some of them move on. But these are the people who, no matter the length of time between visits, you can call and feel like no time has passed or who you can visit and blend right into their world. We lean on these people in ways we cannot lean on our parents and siblings and we share with them things our blood families might never understand.
We cannot choose the family we are born into – not really. Though we are perhaps born into the exact family we are supposed to, for whatever lessons we’re supposed to learn, we cannot be expected to get everything we need in terms of support and love from those bloodlines. And though we should not stop loving our blood family, we can also seek out the people who are the family we wish we had and give and receive all that there is to offer, growing ever-wiser in the process.
Rebecca is a member of my chosen family. I stay with her whenever I visit Columbia and you’ll see pictures of my room and her daughter below.
Who is a member of your chosen family?
USC campus
Columbia Zoo
my Columbia chosen family
Pumpkin the cat
me and hanna
me working in my "space" at Rebecca's house
Hanna
Comments
Your explanation of a chosen family hit home! Beautiful words and so so true! When are you do back? I already see some black and whites I want! i have a little list going!